why do people try to force something that isnt there?

Now i dont walk around with my head held high everyday because i think im 'all that' - its held high because i am a confident women with a purpose in life and a drive that comes from the lessons i was taught in life - know what you want, then bloody go get it! i love the friends that i have in my life, and i love what they bring to my life - why would i be there friends if i didnt? what i do not appreciate, from anyone - parent, friend, coworkers etc - is being TOLD what i want and what i like and more importantly, who i am or should be.. i am me, and if you do not like me, then thats ok - cuz i means i probably wont like you :) not everybody in this world has to be friends... of course that doesnt mean you are rude to poeple or impolite, but when people pretend that there is more to something then there is, really frustrates me...

there are two such people in my life at the moment, and to be frank - they are both doing my little head in!! the first of these people, has been in my life over a year now, and will continue to be until i leave for london.. the ignorance and naivety of this person astounds me! how can somebody in this day and age be so stupid? i know that sounds horrible - but i am a firm believer that this person chooses to remain naive, rather then grow from experiences. when confronted with a new experiance, rather then take a step back and learn from it, or after the situtation has occured discuss it and try to understand it - this person either laughs or dismisses it.. how can this person not want to learn and grow as a person? im the first to admit that in my life - its all about me me me, but this person takes it to a whole new level! i get frustrated almost daily at the excuses made for their behaviour.. i admit that for a lont time, i was one that made excuses, but i have recently just given up and will admit that she is just completely ignorant of life... if this person wasnt forced to be in my life, i know that i would not be friends with this person - it is not because there are horrible or anything - like anyone they have some good points and some bad points, but we just wouldn't be friends because our outlooks on life are so vastly different, our interests are nothing alike, and we as people are nothing similar... daily i make an effort with this person, however i feel that this person tries to make too much of an effort with me, and everyone else... its like its high school and this person has to be best friends with everyone... it frustrates me because i do not believe that everyone does have to be 'friends' - or at least not in the way that this person thinks they do... if the spark isnt there in a relationship with a lover - then people admit defeat and they let go, so why can this happen in 'friendships'? why do we force ourselves to be 'friends' with people that we normally wouldnt? why do we put up with more then we EVER would from a partner in friendships, just to save face...?

the second person has only entered my life recently... and im at a loss again... this person is very much like me - crazy, outgoing, hyper for no reason at all - they are they craziest person iv met in a long time and i love that i can dick around with them and just be me! what i dont like however, is that again - after i have made clear the boundaries and intentions of the friendship, the boundaries are pushed... i am happy with my life at the moment! I love being an independent woman living my life my way in Sydney. I am happy in going home alone after work, tafe, drinks etc - i do not need someone to walk me to a taxi, or catch one home with me, and i certainly do not need someone to be there when i wake up in the morning.. i have someone that can and did all those things for me and more, who at present in half a world away yes, but thats OK! i have made my choices and i believe in myself and the choices i have made... i do not need someone to come swooping into my life to be a fucking knight in shinning armour - do i look like a god dam damsel in distress.... no... didnt think so... i have over, and over again made clear to this person the situation in my life - and over and over again they say yep got it... but their actions speak nothing of their words... i like to hang out with this person because of who this person is, not because of the amazing job or contacts or whatever this person has - simply because they are a fun person, and i enjoy having fun people in my life! i know that this person wants something more though, and i feel that i am going to have to cut them out of my life, because they are pushing for something more...

which brings me to my point - why do people try to make more of something then it really is? why is it that poeple tolerate so much more from friends then the do partners? i know that i am not one to dole out relationship advice, but from my experience and observations of others - you wouldnt tolerate behaviour like this from your partner.. there seem to be so mant rules and regulations for relationships, but for friendships, its seems to be a free-for-all, and it just doesnt seem right to me...

so what is the lesson that i am to learn from these two people in my life? i have tried my best to be honest, laid out all my cards on the table - but all these two people do is shuffle my cards around on the table and try to tell me that my hand is wrong..

I dont pretened for a minute that i have all the answers.. but i guess the reason that i try to make the most of things and learn and grow - is because of my up-bringing.. my parents always told me that yes means yes, and no means no - if something is the way it is, its that way for a reason, and nothing you do will change that..

i guess from my point of view - there is nothing i can do but keeping being me... keep being honest, keep trying to live by convictions and the choices i have made.. it sounds harsh, but maybe you do have to be cruel to be kind..

oh its a hard life being so loved :) ahaha

x